Kathy’s Books
Appearances
As seen on the weekly Love & Marriage segment of Fox8
As heard co-hosting Relationship Thursdays on Q104
As seen as a guest relationship expert on iVillage.com
NEW! Listen to Kathy's 2-part interview with Trapper Jack and the Morning Show.
Part 1 Part 2Kathy Dawson is a member of the International Coach Federation
When You Can’t Afford to Get Divorced
It can make a bad situation worse, or just maybe it can make it better. Can you imagine wanting to get divorced, but not being able to because you simply can’t afford it? This was the topic discussed during my appearance on WKYC Channel 3′s Good Company show last week. Between the cost of attorney fees, obtaining a new residence, the move, and the likelihood that you won’t make any money from the sale of your house, getting divorce could bankrupt you! So what to do? Below is a list of strategies to maintain your sanity and, in some cases, your safety:
- If you are in an abusive situation, regardless of the financial strain, you need to seek safety. Most cities have organizations to help battered spouses and children. In Cleveland, The Domestic Violence Center and Women Safe are two such organizations. They have a 24/7 help hotline.
- If safety isn’t a concern, work to minimize conflicts while under the same roof with your mate by identify each other’s hot buttons and avoiding them. For example, if your mate is not a morning person, avoid approaching him or her at that time of day. Assess when are the optimum times to interact.
- Learn to let go of things that in the big scheme of things are not worth arguing about. For example, if your mate is neat and you’re not, you may need to let go of every thing being in its place.
- If you have children, for the sake of their peace and sanity, keep your schedules as consistent as possible. It’s tough, but it will go a long way in reducing stress for everyone. Make your main goal to be civil to one another. Take the high road as often as possible.
- If you are unemployed, this living situation will be a major motivator to find work. Keep up with your networking and resume building.
This situation is not forever, so show up as a grown up while you’re under the same roof. Through it all, you just might realize divorce may not need to be an option after all.
Personalized Wedding Is Memorable
My husband and I attended a very unusual family wedding this summer that we’ll always remember because of how the couple incorporated their values into their special day.
The ceremony was held on the groom’s parents’ property, which was once a 300-acre farm in upstate NY. This couple was married outside upon a hill that overlooked Vermont. Rose petals marked the grassy aisle the bride walked down to meet her soon-to-be husband, beyond which was a trellis that framed them as they exchanged their vows.
After a short, but memorable ceremony, all went behind the 19th century home and celebrated by dancing, drinking, and eating specialty pizza made from organic ingredients and baked in a brick oven the size of a large SUV.
As the sun set, candles were lit and guests sat on the hillside and listened to the sounds of a rock band. Stars began to shine as tents popped up on the property. It was truly Woodstockesque. May this couple continue to put their unique stamp on all that they do, as individuals and as a couple.
Drama – Free Vacations!
Is it possible to have a drama-free summer vacation? I answered that question during an appearance on Channel 3′s Good Company Show this morning. I made several suggestions to help you and your mate (with or without kids) reduce drama during your trip.
- Meet as a couple or as a family at least one week before your vacation to make sure you are on the same page in the following areas:
- Be clear on your vacation “theme.” Is the theme of your vacation relaxation or activity? If it’s a mix of both, be sure to understand how much relaxation and activity each person wants.
- Talk about your food expectations. How much fine dining do you want to do? Do you want to cook on vacation? Would you rather dine casually the entire time?
- Will this be a techno-free vacation or will you be bringing your laptop or Blackberry?
- Have an exit plan. Make sure you exit your home to leave for your vacation in as calm and orderly way as possible. How you leave your home sets the tone for traveling.
- If you are driving, avoid arguing while your motor vehicle is in motion! If you feel an argument coming on, pull over.
- Have had a discussion with your mate in advance as to what your budget is for the trip. What you agree to spend on the vacation may help determine the trip’s theme and dining decisions.
BON VOYAGE!
Right On, Terry Pluto!
I can’t let anymore time go by without acknowledging the on-the-mark points Terry Pluto made in his Plain Dealer column this past Sunday. The title of his column is “Guidelines for Keeping Your Marriage on Solid Ground.” Here is a condensed version of some of the points he makes:
1. Build your marital house on rock, so when trouble comes it can’t be washed away.
2. If communication breaks down, a relationship can easily be reduced to exchanges about daily “stuff,” or it can collapse completely.
3. Is money spent on things you don’t need, only to impress people you don’t even know?
4. Talk/pray about any major financial decision before acting on it, even if you have to wait 24 hours before the purchase.
5. Look to yourself and to God to help you find happiness, rather than depending on your mate to create it for you.
6. Stop scorekeeping. Rather than complaining about what your spouse isn’t doing to help you, think about what you can do to help your spouse.
7. Criticize the action rather than the person. Phrases like, “It was a bad idea when you were late and didn’t call me,” work much better than, “You’re always late,” or “You never call.”
8. To the men, make eye contact with your wife when listening to her. To do otherwise shows you’re not listening.
9. To the women, give your husband time to decompress at the end of the day before telling him what needs to be done.
10. Find a service/ministry you and your mate can provide for others.
Gores No More?
Just heard the breaking news that Tipper and Al Gore are separated. They have 4 grown children and 40 years of marriage behind them and they are splitting. Granted, this may be a separation rather than a divorce. Still it’s a shocker.
I can remember Al planting what would have been a 10-second kiss on Tipper, had she let him. She pulled away before the second hand made it that far. Could there have been a sign way back then that trouble was brewing?
Can’t help but see the irony in that the Clintons, who were dragged through the mud for years with the Monica Lewinsky affair, are still together, and yet the Gores are the ones apparently having serious enough troubles that may lead to a permanent break.
The Gores strike me as people who wouldn’t make a quick, rash decision, so my guess is they have or will see a professional along the way. I’m sure we’ll hear about it.
