Kathy’s Books
Appearances
As seen on the weekly Love & Marriage segment of Fox8
As heard co-hosting Relationship Thursdays on Q104
As seen as a guest relationship expert on iVillage.com
NEW! Listen to Kathy's 2-part interview with Trapper Jack and the Morning Show.
Part 1 Part 2Kathy Dawson is a member of the International Coach Federation
Workplace Break-ups
I was a guest this morning on WDOK, 102.1 FM in Cleveland, Ohio and the topic was “How to Handle Workplace Break-ups.” The subject was prompted by the recent break-up of two “Dancing with the Stars” partners who had to dance together at the Emmys and must continue working with each other on the show.
Whenever you enter a romantic relationship with someone with whom you work, there is always a chance that it won’t work out. To maneuver such a situation, here are 6 tips on how to survive a workplace break-up:
Tip #1: As hard as it is, be professional and control your post break-up emotions at work. Seriously, is it worth risking your job?
Tip #2: Change the story in your head. Tell yourself your former partner is no longer a lover/friend. He or she is strictly a colleague. Do affirmations in the car on the way to work if you have to!
Tip #3: At the time of the break-up, or soon after, set ground rules with your former partner on how you’re going to work together. For example, no talking about the relationship with each other or with coworkers.
Tip #4: Have a mature attitude. Show up as a grown-up. Even if your former breaks the ground rules, you take the high road.
Tip #5: Give the situation time to heal. Expect awkwardness for awhile.
Tip #6: Keep your resume update, just in case!
The Bonding Effect of a Pet
Who would think a dog could bring my husband and I closer? When we got our dog, Rosie, it was because our daughter (our last child) had gone off to college. Sadness and major separation anxiety swept over both of us following her departure. Rosie, although no replacement for our daughter, was exactly what we needed.
It’s been 3 years since Rosie came into our lives and with every day comes a reminder that this dog is the object of our joint love and affection. For example, the three of us spent this afternoon at Edgewater Park, near downtown Cleveland. It was a perfect afternoon to sit by the lake and watch the weekend kite-flyers. Rosie romped and ran across the green, making us laugh and smile.
We worked as a team as we maneuvered the lakefront area – some of it allowing dogs, some of it not. Trading off between walking Rosie and picking up her “deposits,” my husband and I worked together like a well-oiled machine. Once she was romped-out, Rosie flopped down on a blanket beside us to watch multi-colored and multi-shaped kites flap in the wind.
The ride home felt satisfying as Rosie sat between us, with her head pressed against my husband’s arm – what has become known as her “travel pillow.” With every passing day, it becomes increasingly clear that her love for us and our love for her makes our love for each other even better.
If you have a story about how your pet has brought you and your mate closer, I’d love to hear it.
The Pitfall of “He” and “She”
It’s a small blip on your relationship screen, but it can be telling. One of the red flags in your relationship can be when you and your mate are together with another person and one of you refers to the other as “He” or “She.” I’ve seen it happen many times. You’re in conversation with someone else other than your mate, who is standing or sitting next you. You’re talking about something involving your mate and instead of saying, “John took a trip last week,” or “Karen started a new job yesterday,” you say “He took a trip last week,” or “she started a new job yesterday.” Oops – there it is. A third person reference as if your mate is not even in the room. Big boo-boo.
Communication 101. When referring to someone (especially your mate) in the presence of someone else, you always say his or her name. Referring to that person as “He” or “She” is a subtle sign of disrespect. Done unintentionally and rarely is permissible. Done chronically and it’s a red flag.
Refer to your mate by name. He or she is standing right there!
The Wedding is Off – by Text!
I was a guest on one of Cleveland’s FM radio stations, WDOK 102.1, this morning because one of the hosts of the show knew a friend of a friend who broke of his engagement by sending his fiancee a text. The text said, “The wedding is off. I’ll be mailing you your things.”
The host wanted my opinion on this style of break-up. Oh, I gave it. I said that this story disturbs me greatly. Although this type of behavior is not common, it still occurs more regularly than you might think. What saddens me isn’t so much that this woman’s dream is shattered or that the wedding invitations went out and now cancellation announcements must be sent. What distresses me more than anything is the lack of personal accountability on this man’s part. Certainly, if he doesn’t want to enter into a marriage, that is his decision – better it is made before than after the wedding. But could he man-up enough to tell this woman to her face? Does he have to take the chicken’s way out and hide behind the convenience and smoke screen of a text?
Has the time-saving benefits of technology become so accepted that it takes the place of face-to-face interactions, especially when it comes to major life decisions? So, if breaking off a wedding is okay to do by text, what’s next? How about a doctor sending a patient the diagnosis of a terminal illness. Or the military texting a wife or husband that his or her spouse has been killed. Where does this quick, emotionless kind of communication end? I don’t know … I just don’t know.
If you have a story or an opinion of a tactless text, please send it to me.
Are Your Children the Key to Your Happiness?
Remember the moment the doctor or midwife held up your newborn child seconds after he or she was born? New life vibrated from your baby and more joy washed over you than you thought you could handle.
From that moment, life as you knew it would change. The change would bring countless more joys, but it would also bring responsibility, frustration, and sometimes sleeplessness. Being a parent is a double-edged sword. You work to dig your children strong roots, from which they can grow. From those roots come a solid sense of family, moral values, work ethic, and spirituality – all things that will help give your children a path that will, and must lead them away from you.
As your children forge their own path, they hit their own set of bumps in the road. Although the ups and downs are hard to watch, you must not depend on your children’s ups to make you happy. For if you do, you will feel their downs, as well. Living your life this way is like sitting in a car that’s attached to your child’s car on his or her roller coaster ride of life. Trust me, you have your own ride to maneuver. Trying to maneuver your children’s ride, as well as your own, will do nothing but derail you.
So how do you detach your cart from your children’s roller coaster ride of life and still love them?
Be happy or sad for your children, not because of them.
How are you handling your children’s ups and downs? How do you avoid derailment?
Texting: Friend or Foe?
In a world of near lightning speed communication, texting fits right into the landscape. Codes, initials, abbreviations are all important when communicating where to meet someone, what time to rendez-vous, or how many lattes are needed. But, if you want to express a negative emotion, texting will bite you in the butt big time.
You’re upset about an argument you had with your mate the night before. Try talking about it to him or her in a text and you’ve doused the fire with gasoline. Nothing like truncated, staccato-type language to mess up a communication. Throw a few sarcastic quips into the mix and you’ve got a bigger problem than you started with.
Has anyone reading this ever resolved a conflict through texting … really. If so, I want your secret.
Affairs … They Just Aren’t Like They Used To Be
Yesterday I was a guest on a Cleveland FM radio station, WDOK 102.1, to talk about the 10 signs that let you know if your mate is having an affair. The red flags signaling an affair used to be lipstick on a collar, a new-smelling perfume or cologne, or that a partner was spending more time away from home.
Although suspect perfume or cologne and lack of time with a mate are still part of the repertoire of affairs, it’s technology that has beefed up the repertoire in today’s day and age. Texting, cell phone calls, and e-mails are what have escorted affairs into the new millennium. Below is the list I talked about on the radio. Although technology is mentioned briefly in the list, it is used most often in hiding a relationship.
10 SIGNS YOUR MATE MAY BE HAVING AN AFFAIR (No single sign may mean your mate is being unfaithful, but if there is a combination … pay attention!)
1. Your mate is working a lot – especially on weekends and holidays.
2. The cell phone is glued to your mate’s ear. He or she disappears suddenly when talking on the cell phone. Your mate’s cell phone is locked.
3. Your mate is traveling a lot and says he or she can’t take you with.
4. Physical Intimacy changes – suddenly your mate wants more sex. He or she may be feeling guilty and needs to assuage the guilt.
5. More arguments over little things to justify leaving the house in anger in order to meet up with the other man or woman.
6. Suddenly, your mate shows up with flowers or gifts. He or she feels guilty.
7. You notice a wardrobe change, hair change, or a change in habits or taste in music.
8. You smell a different cologne or perfume on your mate.
9. There is unaccounted for missing money in a bank account. Or you notice charges on your credit card to new restaurants and stores.
10. Your gut tells you your mate is having an affair.
