My Husband Is So Kind!

Earlier this week I went walking in our neighborhood. It was a gorgeous fall day. I was plugged into my ipod and was booking down the street, swinging to the sounds of the 1940′s when suddenly my right foot hit an uneven piece of sidewalk and I went flying. As the sidewalk sped toward my face, I instinctively threw out my hands in front of me. I saved my face, but I sprained my wrist and forearm in a major way. It is four days later and I am still in a wrist brace. Apparently, this injury could take up to eight weeks to heal!

You wouldn’t think immobilizing your wrist would affect the rest of your mobility much, but it does. That’s where my husband comes in. My husband, Dick, is and always has been an “acts of service” spouse. His primary way of loving me is to help me with anything and everything. I know. I’m really lucky. So when I am debilitated in any way, his “I’m here to serve you” mode kicks in big time. From walking our dog, to making dinner, from bringing up laundry to driving me to a speaking engagement, my husband has helped me this week above and beyond what he normally does.

I bring this up because I want you to know that although your mate may not be an “acts of service” person, he or she also loves you in a “themed” sort of way. The themes I refer to come from a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I list these five for you:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Acts of Service
4. Physical Touch
5. Material Gifts

Think about which love language your mate uses most to love you. Send me some examples of how you’re loved and I’ll send you a free relationship tip!

October 30, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

“Getting By”

I recently saw the new movie with Vince Vaughn called “Couples Retreat.” Although this film will not be nominated for an Academy Award, there is a worthwhile message in its script.

There is a scene in which Vince Vaughn’s character and his wife are in a therapy session while at a couples resort. The therapist spends a few minutes digging into their relationship. Feeling a bit pressured and poked at, the husband, declares somewhat indignantly, “We do okay in our marriage. We get by.” The therapist jumps on this declaration with a fervent response by saying, “Get by? You get by? Marriage is for more than just getting by!”

My interpretation of the therapist’s response is that marriage or a committed relationship is not something you want to simply survive on, like a salary that just lets you exist rather than live. A life-long partnership is something you want to nourish and raise so that it allows you to be the best you you can be, as individuals, and as a couple.

The movie provides a few insightful moments, but unfortunately less laughs. My recommendation is to wait until it comes out on DVD, then rent it.

October 19, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

Why Do People Have Affairs??

I will be a guest on Cleveland’s FM radio station, 102.1 WDOK, tomorrow talking about why people have affairs. The topic is a spin-off of the recent Letterman debacle. If you are having an affair or have had an affair, here are the five reasons why:

1. You feel invisible in your current marriage or relationship. You feel invisible because:
a) you don’t feel listened to or validated
b) you feel alone and isolated – no quality time is being spent with your partner
c) you are suffering from skin hunger – no physical touch going on
d) no sexual intimacy
e) no words of affirmation

2. You want revenge because your mate had an affair and now you want to even the score.

3. You desperately want a divorce and think having an affair will speed up the process.

4. You feel trapped in your current situation and want excitement.

5. If you are a serial cheater, you may have a sexual addiction.

If you can relate to any of these or want to add to the list of reasons, I’d like to hear from you.

October 6, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

Flowers for Men?

I left my hairdresser yesterday and caught the tail end of a conversation he was having with a group of his employees. “Men don’t like getting flowers,” says one of his staff – a female. “Sure they do,” says my hairdresser. “My wife has given me flowers many times over the course of our marriage and I’ve loved it.” No sooner did this man say this than the three women employees’ mouths dropped open in disbelief.

Yes, men DO like to receive flowers – in any form. Whether they find a bouquet delivered to them at work or a single stem tucked under their windshield wiper, men totally appreciate this uncharacteristic romantic gesture.

If you’re a man, have you ever received flowers? How did it make you feel? Were you embarrassed or delighted? If you’re a woman, have you ever given flowers to a man? How did he accept them?

I have a theory that men get a kick out of getting flowers – to either confirm or dispute this theory, let me know what you think!

October 1, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment