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5 Ways to Prevent an Affair

During an appearance on Channel 3′s morning talk show, Good Company, this week I talked about 5 concrete things couples can do to affair-proof their marriage or relationship.  Here is the list:

1. Challenge each other to grow.  When one person feels the other doesn’t support his or her personal growth, that’s a RED FLAG!  Partners have to build each other up – not tear each other down.

2. Spend a consistent amount of quality time together.  Humans are not meant to be isolated, especially from someone to whom the are committed.

3. When a problem arises, nip it in the bud by addressing it productively.  Build a muscle memory for teamwork.

4. Avoid toxic couples.  Hang with couples who make their relationship a priority.  Couples can, without realizing it, become like the company they keep.

5. Take a radical step.  If you start to feel like you want to have an affair, go to your partner asap and tell him or her.  What feeds an affair is secrecy.  If you put it out there that it has crossed your mind to have an affair, it will do two things:  deflate the mystique of the affair and wake up your mate to the reality that there is a serious problem in your relationship.

Interesting Perspective on Infidelity

I really like what this therapist has to say about infidelity.  If you have a chance, I highly recommend you watch the video.  The only thing I take issue with is her viewpoint on privacy.  In my experience as a relationship coach, when a partner hides an affair that may have occurred years before in hopes that it doesn’t get exposed (which it usually does, eventually), there become two indiscretions:  the affair – which is hard enough to deal with – and the fact the person never confessed to it – the compounding factor.

Once you look at the video, let me know what you think by making a comment on my blog!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-dawn/201003/anti-marriage-counseling

Watch First, Then Dance!

The next season of Dancing with the Stars starts tonight!  If you and your mate would like to dance, but have never actually signed up for a lesson, I recommend spending the next couple of months watching Dancing with the Stars.  Rather than feeling intimidated (no one is under this much pressure in the real world of dancing) use it to get pumped about learning even the most basic ballroom dance steps.  There is nothing more fun and good for your relationship than you and your mate stepping onto a dance floor with the confidence to dance a basic fox trot, salsa, or swing step.  A bonus is that dancing is great exercise for your mind and body!

Back and Injured

Traveling with your mate can be challenging under good circumstances, but being far from home when your hurt or injured can really stretch your relationship.  How do I know this?  I just returned from 3 weeks away with my husband.  The 3rd day into the trip I fell off a ramp and twisted and sprained both ankles and broke my left foot.  I was essentially immobilized for the next few days and literally a drag for the rest of the trip.  Let’s just say I pulled up the rear most of the time.  I’m usually a chipper personality, but if I can’t move freely, I get crabby.  My husband had the patience of a saint and was kind and understanding beyond most human capabilities.  Just more proof (like I need more?) of how lucky I am.