Kathy’s Books
Appearances
As seen on the weekly Love & Marriage segment of Fox8
As heard co-hosting Relationship Thursdays on Q104
As seen as a guest relationship expert on iVillage.com
NEW! Listen to Kathy's 2-part interview with Trapper Jack and the Morning Show.
Part 1 Part 2Kathy Dawson is a member of the International Coach Federation
Alone and Liking It
My husband went out of town this last weekend, leaving me alone with our dog, Rosie. It felt weird without him around for a couple of days. During the weekend, we usually work out together, stop for coffee and run errands. Saturday nights are often spent going out to dinner, theater, or dancing.
Although I missed his company, I really liked the feeling of hanging with myself. I spent time reading, working out alone, and cooking. I thought of him often, yet enjoyed the feeling of being separated for a short time. During his absence, balance was being restored and a new sense of longing was being revived.
It was wonderful to see him walk through the door on Sunday, partly because I had missed him, but partly because I felt good about the time I had spent with myself.
Do You Fight or Argue?
As a guest on Cleveland’s Trapper Jack in the Morning Show (WDOK 102.1) this morning, I talked about fighting fairly. The first thing I said was I didn’t like the word “fight.” I explained that although it makes for great radio, it carries with it a load of negative energy and connotations. Yes, words have energy!
Granted, if you and someone are pummeling each other with your fists, you’re having a fight. But most of the time when people argue, they are strongly disagreeing, which by the way is normal! As soon as you bring the word “fight” into it, it shrouds the situation with what I believe to be an unproductive tone.
When you are in conflict with someone and you make it clear that you strongly disagree with him or her, you automatically set a parameter around the interaction. In essence, you are telling the person you are putting away your boxing gloves. Leave fighting for the ring.
Food Fight
It’s hard to change eating habits. My husband and I are working on reducing our sugar intake. We start out great each morning. I use our juicer to make a carrot, collard green, kale, and apple drink for each of us (believe it or not, it’s very tasty). We have our oatmeal for breakfast, but by mid-afternoon we are craving sweets. We fight the urge for most of the day, but after a healthy dinner of veggies and rice and beans or whole wheat pasta and a salad, we cave. We end up making either a cookie run or a Starbucks stop.
We have decided to alternate being the heavy (no pun intended). When one of us feels weak, the other will be strong. Our goal is to give ourselves permission to feel weak at the same time and just indulge once during the weekend, reminding ourselves that change is about progress rather than perfection. What one of us might not be able to do alone, we can do together!
Thumbs Up for Movie, “Date Night”
My husband and I saw the movie “Date Night” with Tina Fey and Steve Karell last night. I don’t laugh out loud in movies very often, but this one had me howling. Could this situation happen in real life? Probably not, but it doesn’t really matter. Some of the dynamics between the husband (Steve Karell) and the wife (Tina Fey) are so on the mark that it could pass as a reality show. The script even teaches one or two valuable relationship lessons. I recommend seeing “Date Night” for something to do on a date night. Just make sure you and your mate go out for coffee/food before or after the movie! (See my 10 Rules of Dating on the home page of my website).
A Life Without Boundaries Is No Life!
In my practice as a relationship coach, I am forever explaining that relationships are about boundaries. Even with the people whom you are the closest to, you must set limits at times. Maybe you need space to be alone because you’ve had an especially stressful day. Maybe you are uncomfortable with a sports activity someone is begging you to join. Perhaps someone is urging you to have dessert and you want to skip it. Or is someone speaking to you in an unacceptable way? Whatever situation you are in with another person, give yourself permission to draw the line, set the limit, and say, “No.”
The sooner you learn to set boundaries, the sooner you will reclaim your life. A life without boundaries means you are living someone else’s life, not your own.
