Designer creates Assessment Tool for Couples

The New York Times recently published an article about an architectural designer who got so tired of watching couples argue over design/furniture choice decisions that he developed an assessment tool he now requests each couple take before he works with them.  

He has turned his assessment into a software product and sales seem to be booming.  In order for him to work as a team with a couple, it’s important the couple work as a team first.  If you can relate to this situation or know someone who might, you will want to click on this link to the article.

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November 21, 2010 | Filed Under couples counseling | Leave a Comment 

“Why Are You going on a Date?”

I recently had a friend tell me her 8-year-old son took note of the fact that she and her husband were going on a date.  This couple had not been on a formal date in years.  In actuality, they had not been on a date since before their son was born.  Recently, they have begun dating every week.  This last week, as they were getting ready to go out for the evening, their son looked at them quizzically and said, “Why are you going on a date?  Aren’t you married?”

At a young age, this child was already forming a sweeping perception based on his parents behavior: Married people don’t date.  If this couple remains consistent in their dating, they will be able to quickly turn their son’s perception around so that he will forever remember that his married parents liked each other enough to want to spend time alone together.  Now that’s an impression worth making!

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May 2, 2010 | Filed Under couples counseling, Marriage | 1 Comment 

Do You Fight or Argue?

As a guest on Cleveland’s Trapper Jack in the Morning Show (WDOK 102.1) this morning, I talked about fighting fairly.  The first thing I said was I didn’t like the word “fight.”  I explained that although it makes for great radio, it carries with it a load of negative energy and connotations.  Yes, words have energy!  

Granted, if you and someone are pummeling each other with your fists, you’re having a fight.  But most of the time when people argue, they are strongly disagreeing, which by the way is normal!  As soon as you bring the word “fight” into it, it shrouds the situation with what I believe to be an unproductive tone.

When you are in conflict with someone and you make it clear that you strongly disagree with him or her, you automatically set a parameter around the interaction.  In essence, you are telling the person you are putting away your boxing gloves.  Leave fighting for the ring.

April 22, 2010 | Filed Under couples counseling, relationship coaching | 1 Comment