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Appearances
As seen on the weekly Love & Marriage segment of Fox8
As heard co-hosting Relationship Thursdays on Q104
As seen as a guest relationship expert on iVillage.com
NEW! Listen to Kathy's 2-part interview with Trapper Jack and the Morning Show.
Part 1 Part 2Kathy Dawson is a member of the International Coach Federation
Children the New Spouses?
In her new book, Marriage Confidential, Pamela Haag says that in today’s world, “Children have become the new spouses.” She talks about how in semi-happy marriages, the children take center stage, putting the marriage lower on the priority list. I couldn’t agree more. Currently, in our culture, more and more parents make their kids the focal point by making their children’s activities the most important priority. I think that’s a mistake. Children need to know that Mommy and Daddy love them, no doubt. More importantly, though, kids need to know Mommy and Daddy love each other. For example, scheduling a date with each other and working the kids’ activities around the date, rather than the other way around is a good first step. To read Glamour Magazine’s interview with Pamela Haag, click here.
Winnie the Pooh Knows How To “Be”
One of the best gifts you can give yourself, your mate, and your marriage or committed relationship is to learn to “BE” with the other person. When I say “BE” with the person, I mean set aside any mental agenda you might have in the moment.
Listening is a key way to truly “BE” with someone, and listening is not waiting to talk. Listening is meeting the person wherever he or she is at. Your ego will try to get you to state your opinion and agree or disagree, which is the last thing your mate or your relationship needs.
Another way to “BE” with your mate is through quality time together. Quality time is about simply enjoying each other’s company. The activity or surroundings are secondary.
To get a real sense of what it means to “BE” with someone, I recommend you read a blog written by my son, Dave Dawson. To read Dave’s Blog, click here.
Raise Your Glass!
It’s the season for gratitude, and not just for turkey and stuffing, but for those people in your life who mean the most to you. Your mate may be top on your gratitude list, but might not know it if you don’t announce it once in awhile. There’s no better time than during the Thanksgiving holiday to say what is on your mind and in your heart.
So this year, before you dig into the turkey dinner, make sure you dig deep and raise your glass to toast your mate. Whether you plan to share your feast with your partner alone or with 20 or more people at your dinner table, proclaim your gratitude with a toast!
When You Can’t Afford to Get Divorced
It can make a bad situation worse, or just maybe it can make it better. Can you imagine wanting to get divorced, but not being able to because you simply can’t afford it? This was the topic discussed during my appearance on WKYC Channel 3′s Good Company show last week. Between the cost of attorney fees, obtaining a new residence, the move, and the likelihood that you won’t make any money from the sale of your house, getting divorce could bankrupt you! So what to do? Below is a list of strategies to maintain your sanity and, in some cases, your safety:
- If you are in an abusive situation, regardless of the financial strain, you need to seek safety. Most cities have organizations to help battered spouses and children. In Cleveland, The Domestic Violence Center and Women Safe are two such organizations. They have a 24/7 help hotline.
- If safety isn’t a concern, work to minimize conflicts while under the same roof with your mate by identify each other’s hot buttons and avoiding them. For example, if your mate is not a morning person, avoid approaching him or her at that time of day. Assess when are the optimum times to interact.
- Learn to let go of things that in the big scheme of things are not worth arguing about. For example, if your mate is neat and you’re not, you may need to let go of every thing being in its place.
- If you have children, for the sake of their peace and sanity, keep your schedules as consistent as possible. It’s tough, but it will go a long way in reducing stress for everyone. Make your main goal to be civil to one another. Take the high road as often as possible.
- If you are unemployed, this living situation will be a major motivator to find work. Keep up with your networking and resume building.
This situation is not forever, so show up as a grown up while you’re under the same roof. Through it all, you just might realize divorce may not need to be an option after all.
Personalized Wedding Is Memorable
My husband and I attended a very unusual family wedding this summer that we’ll always remember because of how the couple incorporated their values into their special day.
The ceremony was held on the groom’s parents’ property, which was once a 300-acre farm in upstate NY. This couple was married outside upon a hill that overlooked Vermont. Rose petals marked the grassy aisle the bride walked down to meet her soon-to-be husband, beyond which was a trellis that framed them as they exchanged their vows.
After a short, but memorable ceremony, all went behind the 19th century home and celebrated by dancing, drinking, and eating specialty pizza made from organic ingredients and baked in a brick oven the size of a large SUV.
As the sun set, candles were lit and guests sat on the hillside and listened to the sounds of a rock band. Stars began to shine as tents popped up on the property. It was truly Woodstockesque. May this couple continue to put their unique stamp on all that they do, as individuals and as a couple.
