Kathy’s Books
Appearances
As seen on the weekly Love & Marriage segment of Fox8
As heard co-hosting Relationship Thursdays on Q104
As seen as a guest relationship expert on iVillage.com
NEW! Listen to Kathy's 2-part interview with Trapper Jack and the Morning Show.
Part 1 Part 2Kathy Dawson is a member of the International Coach Federation
When You Can’t Afford to Get Divorced
It can make a bad situation worse, or just maybe it can make it better. Can you imagine wanting to get divorced, but not being able to because you simply can’t afford it? This was the topic discussed during my appearance on WKYC Channel 3′s Good Company show last week. Between the cost of attorney fees, obtaining a new residence, the move, and the likelihood that you won’t make any money from the sale of your house, getting divorce could bankrupt you! So what to do? Below is a list of strategies to maintain your sanity and, in some cases, your safety:
- If you are in an abusive situation, regardless of the financial strain, you need to seek safety. Most cities have organizations to help battered spouses and children. In Cleveland, The Domestic Violence Center and Women Safe are two such organizations. They have a 24/7 help hotline.
- If safety isn’t a concern, work to minimize conflicts while under the same roof with your mate by identify each other’s hot buttons and avoiding them. For example, if your mate is not a morning person, avoid approaching him or her at that time of day. Assess when are the optimum times to interact.
- Learn to let go of things that in the big scheme of things are not worth arguing about. For example, if your mate is neat and you’re not, you may need to let go of every thing being in its place.
- If you have children, for the sake of their peace and sanity, keep your schedules as consistent as possible. It’s tough, but it will go a long way in reducing stress for everyone. Make your main goal to be civil to one another. Take the high road as often as possible.
- If you are unemployed, this living situation will be a major motivator to find work. Keep up with your networking and resume building.
This situation is not forever, so show up as a grown up while you’re under the same roof. Through it all, you just might realize divorce may not need to be an option after all.
Personalized Wedding Is Memorable
My husband and I attended a very unusual family wedding this summer that we’ll always remember because of how the couple incorporated their values into their special day.
The ceremony was held on the groom’s parents’ property, which was once a 300-acre farm in upstate NY. This couple was married outside upon a hill that overlooked Vermont. Rose petals marked the grassy aisle the bride walked down to meet her soon-to-be husband, beyond which was a trellis that framed them as they exchanged their vows.
After a short, but memorable ceremony, all went behind the 19th century home and celebrated by dancing, drinking, and eating specialty pizza made from organic ingredients and baked in a brick oven the size of a large SUV.
As the sun set, candles were lit and guests sat on the hillside and listened to the sounds of a rock band. Stars began to shine as tents popped up on the property. It was truly Woodstockesque. May this couple continue to put their unique stamp on all that they do, as individuals and as a couple.
Gores No More?
Just heard the breaking news that Tipper and Al Gore are separated. They have 4 grown children and 40 years of marriage behind them and they are splitting. Granted, this may be a separation rather than a divorce. Still it’s a shocker.
I can remember Al planting what would have been a 10-second kiss on Tipper, had she let him. She pulled away before the second hand made it that far. Could there have been a sign way back then that trouble was brewing?
Can’t help but see the irony in that the Clintons, who were dragged through the mud for years with the Monica Lewinsky affair, are still together, and yet the Gores are the ones apparently having serious enough troubles that may lead to a permanent break.
The Gores strike me as people who wouldn’t make a quick, rash decision, so my guess is they have or will see a professional along the way. I’m sure we’ll hear about it.
Singing as a Team
It’s a tradition. On our kids’ birthdays, my husband and I call them with a birthday greeting just early enough in the morning so that they’re a bit dazed and confused. Today is our daughter’s 22nd birthday and we kept to tradition.
With a raspy morning voice, she answers, “Hello?” Our cue. We belt out our traditional rendition of “Happy Birthday,” knowing she is lying in bed with eyes still shut, but with her mouth open in the shape of a smile. ”Thanks, guys,” she says. ”I’m going back to sleep.” Before ending the call, we say in unison, “We love you!” The call ends and we high-five one another for a job well done.
“Why Are You going on a Date?”
I recently had a friend tell me her 8-year-old son took note of the fact that she and her husband were going on a date. This couple had not been on a formal date in years. In actuality, they had not been on a date since before their son was born. Recently, they have begun dating every week. This last week, as they were getting ready to go out for the evening, their son looked at them quizzically and said, “Why are you going on a date? Aren’t you married?”
At a young age, this child was already forming a sweeping perception based on his parents behavior: Married people don’t date. If this couple remains consistent in their dating, they will be able to quickly turn their son’s perception around so that he will forever remember that his married parents liked each other enough to want to spend time alone together. Now that’s an impression worth making!
