Looking at problems that keep popping up in a relationship is a smart use of energy. Spending time figuring out what part you play in the problem is key to prevention. Humility and accountability are your friends when it comes to facing what you’re doing that’s not working very well. And, yes, your partner must do the same thing!

This past spring and summer I was asked by the producers of a wildly popular reality show on TLC called “Say Yes to the Dress” to coach a couple in preparation for their wedding day and a spin-off special on TLC called “Say Yes to the Dress – The Big Day.” I worked with Kelly Miller and Roger Gasser on 3 separate occasions. By the time our third coaching session was complete (after a fair amount of drama), this couple was ready to tie the knot.

To watch Kelly and Roger’s pre-marital roller coaster ride, be sure to tune into “Say Yes to the Dress – The Big Day” on Friday, Oct. 14th at 10:00PM EST. Check your local listings for possible changes. To learn more about this TLC special, click here.

Technorati Tags: pre-marital counseling, relationship help before marriage

Annie’s perspective of “He doesn’t realize how hard I work” and Pat’s of “She’s not the only one who’s busy” may be something to which, you can relate.  My input entitled “The Secret to Ending the Blame Cycle” may give you just the answers you need!  To read the article, click here.

1. Meet as a couple or as a family at least one week before your vacation to make sure you are on the same page in the following areas:
2. Be clear on your vacation “theme.”  Is the theme of your vacation relaxation or activity? If it’s a mix of both, be sure to understand how much relaxation and activity each person wants.
3. Talk about your food expectations.  How much fine dining do you want to do?  Do you want to cook on vacation? Would you rather dine casually the entire time?
4. Will this be a techno-free vacation or will you be bringing your laptop or Blackberry?
5. Have an exit plan.  Make sure you exit your home to leave for your vacation in as calm and orderly way as possible.  How you leave your home sets the tone for traveling.
6. If you are driving, avoid arguing while your motor vehicle is in motion!  If you feel an argument coming on, pull over.
7. Have had a discussion with your mate in advance as to what your budget is for the trip.  What you agree to spend on the vacation may help determine the trip’s theme and dining decisions.

BON VOYAGE!

Technorati Tags: couples on vacation, happy marriage, make marriage work

Heaton says Way #2 for a guy to stay out of the doghouse is for him to admit when he’s made a mistake.  Bingo! If a guy screws up and says, “I was wrong,” he automatically ratchets up his trustworthiness and integrity .

Technorati Tags: happy marriage, make marriage work

Although I missed his company, I really liked the feeling of hanging with myself.  I spent time reading, working out alone, and cooking.  I thought of him  often, yet enjoyed the feeling of being separated for a short time.  During his absence, balance was being restored and a new sense of longing was being revived.  

It was wonderful to see him walk through the door on Sunday, partly because I had missed him, but partly because I felt good about the time I had spent with myself.

Granted, if you and someone are pummeling each other with your fists, you’re having a fight.  But most of the time when people argue, they are strongly disagreeing, which by the way is normal!  As soon as you bring the word “fight” into it, it shrouds the situation with what I believe to be an unproductive tone.

When you are in conflict with someone and you make it clear that you strongly disagree with him or her, you automatically set a parameter around the interaction.  In essence, you are telling the person you are putting away your boxing gloves.  Leave fighting for the ring.