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As seen on the weekly Love & Marriage segment of Fox8
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Part 1 Part 2Kathy Dawson is a member of the International Coach Federation
Forget New Year Resolutions
In my opinion, the term, “New Year Resolutions” is an invitation to miss the mark. The idea that you are going to resolve to do something is great, but resolutions, in my mind, focus more on perfection rather than progress. What I recommend, instead, is for you and your mate to sit down and map out some goals for your relationship and your life together. Brainstorm ideas on how to improve your life in the area of communication, fun, romance, finances, parenting, lovemaking, spirituality and approach your goals with the idea that any improvement is a success. I recommend you visit the following link from the website of my good friend, Dr. Ron Arndt. Dr. Arndt developed a couples planning guide that takes you and your mate into the New Year in a life changing way! http://www.drarndt.com/store/dr-rons-couple-planning.html
Time To Get Unplugged!
Yesterday’s Cleveland Plain Dealer had a great article about the necessity, especially during the holiday season, to turn off the Blackberry for hours or days for the sole purpose of de-stressing. I couldn’t agree more! Dr. Ned Hallowell, a psychiatrist and former Harvard professor, was quoted as saying that these devices make us available 24/7 and, “ratchet up stress, making us distracted, impulsive, restless, and hyperactive.” Not a good combo for a loving, intimate relationship. His advice: no texting during dinner, no cell calls while driving, and no compulsive e-mail checking when you have a few free minutes. In other words, get unplugged and just BE!
There are 14 days before Christmas, and have you had a “holiday date” with your mate? Don’t tell me you’re too busy. I know you’ve got shopping, wrapping, baking, and decorating to do, but what could be more important than taking time to spend with your partner to enjoy the season’s festivities. My husband and I do this every year. Last year we went to E J Thomas Hall in Akron to hear a free concert called, “A Tuba Christmas.” Another year we went to the Cleveland Playhouse to see the Festival of Trees. One season we set up a card table and had dinner by the Christmas tree. Whatever you do this holiday, make sure you do at least one festive thing with your mate.
Family Drama at the Holidays?
Yesterday I appeared on WKYC channel 3′s morning show, “Good Company,” to talk about how to handle the stress of relative-related tension during the holidays. Below are some tips I gave on the air:
1. Be proactive! Send a card to family members a couple of weeks prior to their arrival, saying how much you look forward to spending time with them. This sets a positive tone before they arrive.
2. If family members are staying with you for the holidays, leave some flowers in their room, along with a card that welcomes them to your home.
3. If you are going to a family member’s home with whom you’ve had tension in the past and have difficulty being around, let them know a week in advance exactly how much time you’ll be able to spend with them. Limit your time, if being with these relatives is that difficult. Spend perhaps two hours rather than five with them, but let them know your schedule at least a week ahead of time.
4. If you and your mate are in a stressful situation in someone else’s home, agree on a “code gesture” you will use to let each other know you want to leave immediately. Make it a small, subtle gesture, but one that is clear to each other.
5. If you have a houseful of family for dinner and things get tense, have planned to see a movie at a certain time after the meal. Let everyone know they are welcome to join you, but that you will be leaving at a particular time to go see the movie. This is a great way to clear your home and remove yourself from family stress. Of course, let everyone know the movie plans ahead of time.
6. If the topic of politics or religion comes up and causes issues, use the phrase, “Let’s agree to disagree,” then change the subject.
Musings on Twilight
Saw the second Twilight movie, New Moon, today. The special effects are cool, Robert Pattinson is hot, but the basic message of the movie is questionable. The character, Bella Swan, is madly in love with Edward Cullen, the main vampire in the movie. Her obsessive – I can’t live without you – devotion to Edward is not what I consider to be a positive message to plant in the minds of millions of pre-pubescent girls. To think your happiness is completely and utterly dependent upon a guy – dead or alive – is setting your life up for disaster. As soon as you think, I need to be with this man, the relationship is doomed. To consciously want to be with someone is one thing, but to desperately need to be with someone is a recipe for heartbreak.
