When Your In-laws are Out-laws at the Holidays

Holidays with your in-laws can be stressful under good circumstances.  If your in-laws have become out-laws for some reason, the stress level rises greatly.  There are a few concrete things you can do to smooth things over with your in-laws, or better yet, prevent them from becoming out-laws in the first place!  Consider this list of small, but important ideas to build a bridge between you and your spouse’s parents:

  1. Be proactive!  Set the tone for the holidays by sending a card or e-mail ahead of the holiday saying how much you are looking forward to spending time with them.
  2. Toast your in-laws at the holiday dinner.  Another option is to toast your mate and say how grateful you are for how your in-laws have raised him or her.
  3. Incorporate one of your in-law’s holiday traditions into the celebration.
  4. Ask for a holiday recipe from your mother-in-law and make it for the holiday dinner.
  5. A general rule for the holidays or afterwards is to refrain from calling your in-laws only when you need them for something, like babysitting.  Sometimes call just to say, “Hi” or to invite them over.
If you’d like more ideas on how to strengthen your relationship to your in-laws at the holiday season, click here:

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December 18, 2011 | Filed Under your in-laws and your marriage | Leave a Comment 

Your Pet Can Help Improve Your Marriage or Relationship!

Can owning a pet improve your relationship or marriage?  The answer is YES!  Setting boundaries with your pet, however, is key.  If your pet sleeps between you in a way that interferes with intimacy, interrupts your conversations at the dinner table, or prevents you from vacationing alone with your partner, then it’s time to hire a trainer to help you set boundaries with your pet.  Boundaries aside, how you love your pet can be a fabulous template for how to love your mate. Think about this:

  1. No matter your mood, you greet your pet in a positive, animated way.
  2. You practice forgiveness with your pet. No matter whether your pet pees or poops in the house or tears up a favorite shoe, you are quick to forgive rather than hold a grudge.
  3. You are free with physical affection toward your pet.  Your pet gets hugs, kisses, rubs, and sometimes full-body massages!
To learn more ways how having a pet can enhance your relationship or marriage, click here.

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December 8, 2011 | Filed Under marriage and pets, relationship counseling | Leave a Comment 

When Stepparenting Stresses a Marriage or Relationship

Getting married is a huge lifestyle change, but trying to blend two families can send some couples into marriage counseling.  One of the best ways to head off potential problems that come with bringing together new mates and children is for the partners to agree in advance as to the role the stepparent will play in the care, daily logistics, and discipline of the biological parent’s children.

Once the partners get on the same page, it’s time to talk to the kids.  Using a family meeting to discuss the adjustments facing the family is a wonderful way to introduce the tradition of consistent family meetings.  Kids may balk at first, but they will come to look forward to these family gatherings.  An important ground rule for the family meeting is to make sure there is something fun to talk about on the agenda.  If the family meeting becomes a venue for only problems, kids won’t buy into it.

One of the best things for parents to communicate to stepchildren is that their new stepdad or mom is not a replacement for their other biological parent.   Assigning the stepparent as the “adult in charge” in the absence of his or her mate, is a great way to let stepchildren know there are still family rules without the stepparent taking on a parental role.

To learn more valuable tips on how to integrate a stepparent into a family and a marriage, click here.

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November 30, 2011 | Filed Under how step children and happy marriages | Leave a Comment 

Relationship Survival Tips for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has the potential to be one of the least stressful holidays for your relationship or marriage.  Think about it … no tree, pressure to buy gifts, wrap presents, make cookies, send cards, etc.  Where we get into trouble is with our expectations.  I hope this list of ways to enjoy Thanksgiving will help strengthen your relationship and increase gratitude between you and your mate:

  1. Let go of perfection! No family is like the Brady Bunch or the Waltons.  Rather than perfect mashed potatoes or a moist turkey, focus on being grateful.
  2.  Be proactive with your mate.  Talk about what you need help with a week before the holiday rather than the morning of it.  The flip side to that is to ask, “What can I help you with?” the week before rather than that morning.
  3. Set time limits.  If you have family that tends to overstay their welcome, put time parameters around the holiday before the guests arrive.  If that doesn’t work, plan to see a movie – it clears the house every time.
  4. Give a heads-up! If you want to stay for a limited time at a relative’s home, let your relative know ahead of time that you need to leave at a certain hour.
  5. Know your limits.  If you can only bring one side dish to the meal, speak up, rather than agreeing to make 3 side dishes.
  6. Avoid family gossip.  Leave the room if it starts.
  7. Express gratitude for your spouse/partner.  If you’re saying a public prayer of thanksgiving, include your spouse in that prayer!
To learn more ways to de-stress during the holidays,click here.

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November 21, 2011 | Filed Under How your relationship or marriage can survive Thanksgiving | Leave a Comment 

Six Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage

When a marriage gets into trouble, there are warning signs.  Sadly, partners often don’t notice the signs because they are so distracted by day-to-day life.  Sometimes it isn’t until the two people in the relationship are estranged that they realize they are in trouble.

So that you can prevent this from happening in your relationship, here are 6 warning signs of a troubled marriage:

  1. If you and your mate’s conversations are largely about the logistics of living, pay attention!  Your marriage may be suffering.  You didn’t get married to talk only about who is picking up the kids, what’s on the grocery list, or who does laundry this week.
  2. If you and our mate rarely laugh together, that’s a sign your life and perhaps your relationship, is getting too serious.
  3. Are you and your mate spending less and less quality time together?  Are you busy doing your “own thing” most of the time.  It could be a sign!
  4. Have you and your mate contracted “skin hunger?”  Are you not touching each other, except for an accidental bump here and there?
  5. Are you and your partner going to bed at different times night after night?  Going to bed at different times on a regular basis is a warning sign that your marriage may be under stress.
  6. Do you no longer like how you feel about yourself when you are with your mate?  This is the most damaging warning sign of all.  If this is the case, wake up!  Your relationship most likely needs help.  To learn other red flags in a relationship, click here

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November 13, 2011 | Filed Under signs of a troubled marriage | Leave a Comment 

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