Leaving on a Jet Plane or in a Toyota Prius

My husband and I recently returned from a vacation in a place thousands of miles away.  It was just what we needed to refuel ourselves as individuals and as a couple.  Because we both work from our home, getting away to someplace drastically different has become extremely important for us.

Regardless of whether you work from home or not, there is just no substitute for you and your mate transplanting yourselves somewhere completely different for an extended period of time.  After a day or two of adjustment, you begin to see the world around you differently.  Frankly, you begin to move differently and breathe differently!

We humans are drawn to habits.  We can easily get stuck on what I call the “airport walkway” of life.  moving in the same direction.  You and your mate jumping off that walkway and taking a detour for awhile is one of the best things you can do for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

To read about how to get yourselves headed in a different direction to have fun and feel renewed, enjoy a fun website, by clicking here.

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March 22, 2012 | Filed Under marriage and romantic getaways | Leave a Comment 

Are You a Grudge-Holder?

Are you a grudge-holder?  As a human being, there is a high chance you have held a grudge about something or someone at some point in your life.  Although a grudge may feel victorious in the moment, it eventually comes back to haunt you.  Grudges come from feeling hurt, angry, and afraid.  Out of a desperate desire to reduce the pain you feel, you grab onto a grudge with a death grip.  The tighter you hold on, however, the worse you will eventually feel.  Below is a list of ideas on how to let go of a grudge in a relationship:

  1. When the “grudge movie” starts playing in your head, stop the film and notice it’s playing.  Noticing the grudge film in your head stops it dead in its tracks and dilutes it right then and there.
  2. You are the gatekeeper of your own energy.  You have only a certain amount of it in one day and have to be acutely aware of how you leak out your energy.  Holding a grudge and nurturing it sucks the energy out of you.
  3. Once you’ve noticed the grudge movie playing, have a phrase in the wings that you will use to stop the tape from playing.  Phrases such as, “Let it go,” or “Release it” are cues for you to move off that story.
  4. Once you’ve replaced the grudge movie in your head with positive phrases, redirect your focus by DOING something different.  Get up and get involved in an activity.  Exercise, do something creative, or go do something nice for someone else.

For more ideas on how to let go of a grudge in a relationship, click here.

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February 21, 2012 | Filed Under holding a grudge in a marriage or relationship | Leave a Comment 

When a Child Discovers a Parent Has Had an Affair

When children find out their parent has had an affair, their emotional and mental health depends largely on how the parents handle this information.  Below is a list of key things parents need to do when their children learn of an affair:

  1. Whether the children learn of the affair from an outside source or from the parents, both parents need to talk with the children at the same time.  Ideally, the parents prepare an agenda so when speaking to their kids, they are on the same page.
  2. When parents talk to their children about the affair, the focus needs to be off of the third party involved and on the fact that the marriage was suffering.
  3. No details of the affair should be given.
  4. Ideally, the parent who has stepped outside of the relationship will be honest and accountable for his or her decision to do so.
  5. Parents must refrain from blame in this conversation.  Children quickly adopt the blaming attitude of a parent.
  6. The betrayed spouse must not use a child as a sounding board or therapist.  It is not appropriate!
  7. The parents need to be very clear with their children that the affair was not the children’s fault – the the children had nothing at all to do with it.
  8. As quickly as possible, parents need to find a therapist for their children.  Having an objective party with whom to process their feelings is paramount.

To learn more on how to handle this situation, click here.

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February 13, 2012 | Filed Under affairs in marriage and the effect on children | Leave a Comment 

Passion in a Marriage or Relationship Isn’t Just About Sex

One of the best things you can do for your marriage or relationship is to support your mate’s passionate interests.  Even if what your mate is interested in isn’t something you are particularly passionate about, it’s vital that you be your mate’s number 1 supporter.  Follow these 5 simple rules and you will have a grateful partner, one who will most likely support your passions!

  1. Understand that supporting your mate’s passions gives you the opportunity to build your partner up.  If you are having trouble doing this, perhaps it’s because you don’t have a passion of your own.  Do you?
  2. Embracing your mate’s passions makes the relationship or marriage more interesting, well-rounded, and 3-dimensional.  When you are alone together, it widens the topics of conversation.
  3. Supporting your partner’s passions enriches his or her self-esteem.  A relationship is only as strong at the self-esteem of the two people in it.
  4. Remember this:  Sometimes your mate’s job or career doesn’t make his or her soul sing, but the passion/interest does.  Everyone deserves to have his or her soul sing.
  5. If you’re married and you don’t support your partner’s passions, he or she will still pursue them, putting you both at risk of becoming married singles.
  • Having said all this, it is important to support your mate in his or her passion, unless the passion becomes so  all-consuming that it puts the relationship at risk.  Balance is the key!  If you and your mate want to share in a joint passion, click here.

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February 2, 2012 | Filed Under supporting your mate's interests in a marriage | Leave a Comment 

Lose the Weight, Not Your Mate

One of the biggest challenges in a relationship can be when a partner struggles with weight gain.  There are some key things you can do to support your partner while he or she works to drop the pounds.  Here are the do’s and don’ts of partner weight loss:

Do:

  1. Be kind.  If you know your mate has a weakness for ice cream or some other fatty food, make sure it’s out of the house, except for an occasional indulgence.
  2. Pay attention to your partner’s efforts at weight loss and be his/her cheerleader, even if there is an occasional slip.  Notice what he or she is doing right rather than wrong.
  3. Encourage exercising together or going to the gym at the same time.  It shows support.
  4. If your mate is busy and tends to eat fast food, put the effort into making his or her lunch.
  5. Make your partner’s health be your desire for weight loss rather than appearance.  As your mate drops the pounds, notice his or her appearance, but emphasize the health benefits.

Don’t:

  1. Don’t sabotage your mate’s efforts by using tempting language, such as “Come on.  It’s just one piece.”
  2. Don’t insist that junk food be kept in the house jut because you can eat it without weight gain.
  3. Don’t be a “helicopter partner” and hover over your mate while he/she is on the scale.  Back off and give the person space.

To learn more concrete ideas on how to support your partner in weight loss, click here.

 

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January 26, 2012 | Filed Under weight loss in relationships and marriage | Leave a Comment 

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