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As seen on the weekly Love & Marriage segment of Fox8
As heard co-hosting Relationship Thursdays on Q104
As seen as a guest relationship expert on iVillage.com
NEW! Listen to Kathy's 2-part interview with Trapper Jack and the Morning Show.
Part 1 Part 2Kathy Dawson is a member of the International Coach Federation
Children the New Spouses?
In her new book, Marriage Confidential, Pamela Haag says that in today’s world, “Children have become the new spouses.” She talks about how in semi-happy marriages, the children take center stage, putting the marriage lower on the priority list. I couldn’t agree more. Currently, in our culture, more and more parents make their kids the focal point by making their children’s activities the most important priority. I think that’s a mistake. Children need to know that Mommy and Daddy love them, no doubt. More importantly, though, kids need to know Mommy and Daddy love each other. For example, scheduling a date with each other and working the kids’ activities around the date, rather than the other way around is a good first step. To read Glamour Magazine’s interview with Pamela Haag, click here.
Winnie the Pooh Knows How To “Be”
One of the best gifts you can give yourself, your mate, and your marriage or committed relationship is to learn to “BE” with the other person. When I say “BE” with the person, I mean set aside any mental agenda you might have in the moment.
Listening is a key way to truly “BE” with someone, and listening is not waiting to talk. Listening is meeting the person wherever he or she is at. Your ego will try to get you to state your opinion and agree or disagree, which is the last thing your mate or your relationship needs.
Another way to “BE” with your mate is through quality time together. Quality time is about simply enjoying each other’s company. The activity or surroundings are secondary.
To get a real sense of what it means to “BE” with someone, I recommend you read a blog written by my son, Dave Dawson. To read Dave’s Blog, click here.
Personalized Wedding Is Memorable
My husband and I attended a very unusual family wedding this summer that we’ll always remember because of how the couple incorporated their values into their special day.
The ceremony was held on the groom’s parents’ property, which was once a 300-acre farm in upstate NY. This couple was married outside upon a hill that overlooked Vermont. Rose petals marked the grassy aisle the bride walked down to meet her soon-to-be husband, beyond which was a trellis that framed them as they exchanged their vows.
After a short, but memorable ceremony, all went behind the 19th century home and celebrated by dancing, drinking, and eating specialty pizza made from organic ingredients and baked in a brick oven the size of a large SUV.
As the sun set, candles were lit and guests sat on the hillside and listened to the sounds of a rock band. Stars began to shine as tents popped up on the property. It was truly Woodstockesque. May this couple continue to put their unique stamp on all that they do, as individuals and as a couple.
Drama – Free Vacations!
Is it possible to have a drama-free summer vacation? I answered that question during an appearance on Channel 3′s Good Company Show this morning. I made several suggestions to help you and your mate (with or without kids) reduce drama during your trip.
- Meet as a couple or as a family at least one week before your vacation to make sure you are on the same page in the following areas:
- Be clear on your vacation “theme.” Is the theme of your vacation relaxation or activity? If it’s a mix of both, be sure to understand how much relaxation and activity each person wants.
- Talk about your food expectations. How much fine dining do you want to do? Do you want to cook on vacation? Would you rather dine casually the entire time?
- Will this be a techno-free vacation or will you be bringing your laptop or Blackberry?
- Have an exit plan. Make sure you exit your home to leave for your vacation in as calm and orderly way as possible. How you leave your home sets the tone for traveling.
- If you are driving, avoid arguing while your motor vehicle is in motion! If you feel an argument coming on, pull over.
- Have had a discussion with your mate in advance as to what your budget is for the trip. What you agree to spend on the vacation may help determine the trip’s theme and dining decisions.
BON VOYAGE!
Right On, Terry Pluto!
I can’t let anymore time go by without acknowledging the on-the-mark points Terry Pluto made in his Plain Dealer column this past Sunday. The title of his column is “Guidelines for Keeping Your Marriage on Solid Ground.” Here is a condensed version of some of the points he makes:
1. Build your marital house on rock, so when trouble comes it can’t be washed away.
2. If communication breaks down, a relationship can easily be reduced to exchanges about daily “stuff,” or it can collapse completely.
3. Is money spent on things you don’t need, only to impress people you don’t even know?
4. Talk/pray about any major financial decision before acting on it, even if you have to wait 24 hours before the purchase.
5. Look to yourself and to God to help you find happiness, rather than depending on your mate to create it for you.
6. Stop scorekeeping. Rather than complaining about what your spouse isn’t doing to help you, think about what you can do to help your spouse.
7. Criticize the action rather than the person. Phrases like, “It was a bad idea when you were late and didn’t call me,” work much better than, “You’re always late,” or “You never call.”
8. To the men, make eye contact with your wife when listening to her. To do otherwise shows you’re not listening.
9. To the women, give your husband time to decompress at the end of the day before telling him what needs to be done.
10. Find a service/ministry you and your mate can provide for others.
