Marry Your Mate and You Marry the Family!

You’ve probably heard the expression, “When you get married, you don’t just marry a partner, you marry his or her family.”  This is true in more ways than one.  Marrying a family shows up in obvious ways, such as having more people at the dinner table during  holidays or having more people to add to your holiday gift list.  But when you really realize you’ve married your mate’s family is when your values begin to clash.

Your parents influence you hugely in the areas of finance, physical intimacy, spirituality, parenting, just to name a few.  Your values on these topics and others are hard-wired into you.  You and your mate take a chance of going astray in your relationship if you assume you know everything there is to know about each other’s values.

When value differences pop up, so do arguments. Then the blame game begins.  But think about it.  How can you blame each other for feeling or acting a certain way based on values that have been instilled in you from the time you were two-years-old?

One of the most fundamental keys to a successful lifelong relationship is to talk to your partner about the values your parents have passed down to you.  Assuming your mate knows everything about your hard-wired values is a big mistake that can be avoided – if you talk about them.

Below is a link to an article about what it means to marry a family.  Whether you and your mate are dating, engaged, or already married, start talking values!

http://www.examiner.com/x-3829-Miami-Marriage-Examiner~y2009m3d10-Family-of-origin-influences-what-we-bring-to-a-relationship-assumptions-are-dangerous-Part-1

March 13, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized 

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